logicalsteven:

being awake is stupid just sleep all the time

(via deadnvcrintern)

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad: Fuck the government.
Dad: Fuck the school board.
Dad: Close the door.
Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad: I love puns.
Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad: Please shut up.
Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad: They act like I care what they think.
Dad: I hate homework.
Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

cantstop-love:

scvlptures:

depression is when you don’t really care about anything

anxiety is when you care too much about everything

and having both is just like what

Having both is staying in bed because you don’t want to go to school and then panicking because you don’t want to fail. Having both is wanting to go see your friends so you don’t lose them all, then staying home in bed because you don’t want to make the effort. Having both is insanely hard and sucks to deal with.

(via angryinternnoises)

bettywhiteprivilege:

"describe yourself in five words"

image

(via askdesertbluffs)

neildegrassetyson:

neildegrassetyson:

So I’m hosting a Chinese exchange student for the year, and she came in last night at midnight, so I was asleep (trying to get back on a regular sleep schedule, you know?), and this morning she gave me a gift.

  • It’s a mug
  • When you put hot liquid in it
  • It changes from solid black
  • To
  • Pictures
  • Of
  • My
  • Face

image

(via angryinternnoises)

artist-refs:

all-four-cheekbones:

itsbabyber:

aliciaaadanielle:

summits:

thehobbitcompilationblog:

idareu2bme:

stut—ter:

idareu2bme:

lokidindeed:

i-deduce-youre-a-bitch:

YOU NIQQAS WANNA LEARN ELVISH?! HERE YA GO!

is this legit?

This is legit. My husband, sitting across the room, looks over and says, “IS THAT SOMEONE SHOWING HOW TO CONVERT ENGLISH TO TENGWAR?  BECAUSE THAT’S THE WAY!”

Believe this man.  He owns atlases of Middle Earth, the complete history of Middle Earth (leatherbound), and has read the books at least 150 times.  Also: speaks elvish.

Yes.

What if there are two vowels in a row?

Does anyone know the answer to that last question?

Jill.

THIS IS SO EXCITING

THIS IS SO COOL OMG

If there are two vowels in a row, you use a carrier placeholder. It’s a plain straight line, like the letter i without a dot, that just exists to hold extra vowels.


[Normally don’t re-reblog stuff I know I already have here, but the comments contain extra info that the OP missed.]

(Source: cleocliche, via divisio)

djkenna444:

castayel:

busket:

thetuffthorston:

that-lex-kid:

deadjosey:

ive-been-triggered-by-kankri:

redbloodedamerica:

This is ingenious.

mcdonalds needs to do this

WHAT

okay but I’m actually really scared that the lid of the drink is going to come off or something

//the way this works is that it stops about 2 inches above the top (the hole only big enough to go that far without ripping) so you  wouldn’t have to worry about the lid coming off!
it’s really a brilliant idea. it cuts down on the amount of materials used,  and space it takes up. all around good engineering.

from the looks of it it might be recycled materials too? if not then it should be.

it frees up your other hand from having to carry your drink but also doesn’t shove the cold drink next to the warm food
brilliant!

This is the definition of innovation, no amount of sleeves on a blanket can beat this.

djkenna444:

castayel:

busket:

thetuffthorston:

that-lex-kid:

deadjosey:

ive-been-triggered-by-kankri:

redbloodedamerica:

This is ingenious.

mcdonalds needs to do this

WHAT

okay but I’m actually really scared that the lid of the drink is going to come off or something

//the way this works is that it stops about 2 inches above the top (the hole only big enough to go that far without ripping) so you  wouldn’t have to worry about the lid coming off!

it’s really a brilliant idea. it cuts down on the amount of materials used,  and space it takes up. all around good engineering.

from the looks of it it might be recycled materials too? if not then it should be.

it frees up your other hand from having to carry your drink but also doesn’t shove the cold drink next to the warm food

brilliant!

This is the definition of innovation, no amount of sleeves on a blanket can beat this.

(via divisio)

mozzarellahighrise:

when someone tells you their favorite candy, listen. write it down if you have to. remember it. when you know they’re having a shitty day, buy it for them. be the best human you can be; buy your friends their favorite candy when they really, really need it and don’t even know it.

(Source: cryptozooid, via notyouraverageintern)